Smoooooooooooooke

This smoke sucks. It is all up in my grill and it is testing my patience. The first time I encountered it, my wife and I were driving through Prineville and it was so thick that it made my eyes hurt and look bloodshot. I have already been coughing like maniac over the past month and the smoke isn't helping. Not to mention that it makes it hard to see all the amazing sights that this time of year has to offer. Funny story, I read on twitter the other days that people in Portland were being reminded to only call 911 if they see an actual structure on fire or the source of the smoke, not just because there is a lot of smoke. That means there were enough people out there who were so panicked that they decided to call 911. As if the police and everyone else in the Northwest couldn't see the smoke too. Seriously though, it's brutal because you know our beautiful state is straight-up on fire right now and people's houses and out-buildings are burning down with it. It is a tragedy and no matter how close to the fires you are, we are all dealing with the haze.

Here's the thing about the smoke though, it reminds me so much of my life right now. Let's just say the fire is like bad news and the way it makes me feel. Dealing with the emotional, spiritual, and mental results of the bad news feels like a heavy smoke over everything in my life.  There have been moments where the fire has been burning in my heart but for the most part what I have been dealing with is the smoke. It makes where I am going hard to see, makes where I'm at seem unpleasant, and makes me worried that the fire will grow. The fire burns hot for a short time but the smoke lingers for much longer and seems to cause a lot more struggle in my life.

But I had a moment of clarity, an epiphany of sorts, the other day. I was driving and looking at the sun through the smoke and, I have to be honest, in a weird and dark way it was beautiful. It showed me a different perspective of the sun and the light it is emitting. It was a crazy red color with vibrant shades of red and orange around it. It was only because of the smoke that I was seeing this colors. That is the exact same thing the haze of our adoption has done to my perspective of God. I have seen the beauty of God's love with new eyes and Scripture has spoken to me in a way it never would have without the crappiness of dealing with bad news after bad news. Now, much like a wild fire, I would never ask for it. It's miserable and many tears have been shed because of it. But, since this is the situation we find ourselves in, we might as well appreciate the view.